Who am I?????

It seemed impossible for me to answer the question, ‘Who am I?’ when I heard that this would be the main task of our next project for Integral. As I forced myself to determine what my answer could possibly be, I realised that I would probably not be able to answer this question by just listing the traits I think I have but that I would have to explore exactly how I behave in certain situations, treat people and probably most importantly comparing my acts to my thoughts, comparing it to the morals I think I live to and the things I think I value. This would enable me to see if I am really the person who I think I am. For the outcome to be true I would have to be honest with myself and put effort in the exploration of the different facets that I potentially have. I found that the Personality Pathways test, found at http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html (test); http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFP.html (interpretation), was quite accurate. I had to answer this in honesty and keep in mind that some of the result would obviously not be perfectly accurate.

The first thing I could agree with the results of the test was the way I think and this was also the first thing I described myself as when we had to introduce ourselves in the first class of this subject at the beginning of the year. I often find myself over thinking and analysing things. I set the scene or situation in my head, identify the problem and think of possible solutions, thriving on theoretical possibilities. This pattern of thought happens consciously and sometimes unconsciously, all the time and with every situation in my day. Sometimes I choose to act on these thoughts and sometimes I ignore them because of me being conscious of over thinking and me wanting to be a person that lives in the moment, eventhough I know that this kind of logical thinking can be seen as a strength.

This adds on to the fact that I am absolutely future-oriented and constantly find myself dreaming up the life I would built for myself. This then unfortunately comes with more pre-thought up trouble-shootings that I would try and think through, annoying myself once again…

My filled head is most of the time the reason why I would not be completely present in a group and with rich imagination I often find the external world pale in comparison. Admitting this makes me feel selfish and the need to push myself to be more present and considerate, applying high standards for myself to perform and focusing on self-sufficiency. This is another trait of that makes me feel selfish because I often does not want to be helped with tasks and hurt loved ones against my better judgment at the time.

Understanding that my way of thought often make my actions seem self-centred, I make the effort to try and really place myself in other’s shoes before I act. I also find myself not sharing the whole of myself with others because of it, especially in the beginning.

I open up to the few people that becomes quite close to me. Once this happen I will stay loyal, faithful and supportive. This would only change if I feel betrayed in some way and that we could not come to an agreement about the situation. In all relationships I welcome conflict, not because I enjoy it but because I know this only happens because both party’s care and because I know that it’s the only way to find a solution that suits both party’s needs. I always try to seek the truth and believe that without it and trust a relationship does not stand a chance.

In contrast with this logical thinking, I dislike routine or to follow others but have no desire to lead either and I thoroughly enjoy abstract creativity and get very excited about new ideas and other’s interpretations.

For this project I found insperation inresearching geometrical shaped garment designs; analytical artforms; and futuristic designs:

painting by Martal Chapman

painting by Paulo Zerbato

designs by Xuan-Thu Nguyen

futuristic designs by Roxanna Zamani

design by Milkboss Industries

In conclusion I designed and made a hoodie to describe a few facets of myself. I chose to make a hoodie because of it having a hood and because I identified with the tracksuit fabric its usually made of. I made a basic pattern for it and cut it into multipale squares and triangles that fits perfectly into eachother; this describes my logical and and analytic way of thinking and could also describe the different layers we all have that forms the unique individuals we are. This gave an edgy feel to it and I soften this with the soft tracksuit fabric that provides comfort- a feeling most of us have towards this because of the tracksuits our parents loved us to wear when we were little – explaining that eventhough I don’t always think in a caring manner, I do have feelings and show it in being loyal, faithful and supportive.  I chose to use two colours to indicate the contrast between the person I am inside and the person I choose to be with others. I used red to symbolise the anger I sometimes feel towards my way of thought and act (impatiently and short-tempered) because of it. The white could symbolise the person good person I want to be at all times. I chose to use the conventional zip to close the hoodie but to symbolise my excitement for new ideas and uniqueness by placing the zip diagonally from hip to shoulder and up, over the hood. This enable the wearer to close the hood as well – symbolising that I often feel shy meeting new people; fell ashamed the person I am inside; and the fact that I try to keep a part of me to myself. The busyness immediately observed when looking at the hoodie, could suggest my busy thoughts.

Documentation

Pattern drafting and fabric cutting

Sewing of hood

Hood Back View

Hood Front View

More cutting and sewing...

Pinning and more sewing...

Final Front View

Final Back View

 

 

direct insperation for project

 

 

 

Not sure who made this...

 Artwork of recycled media by Nick Cave

The Butcher Boys by Jane Alexander

 

This is probably my favourite art piece. I took these photos when the piece was exibited at the Iziko art gallery in Cape Town. The artwork represents the oppressors of the Apartheid years - the animal parts symbolising how they stripped themselves of their humanity. 

Insperation***

 

Shoes by Moschino

Project: Where do I come from

The process...

1. I structured the jersey with wire by feeding it from top to bottom

 2. I attatched a stand to the ends of the wire

 

 

 

 3. I hardened the jerey with a homemade fabric hardener mix - white glue, water and cornstrarch

 4. I cut out a few butterflies :)

 5. Attached it to another wire structure

 

 

My final handywork :)

The story behind my project piece

Sadly the first memory that comes to mind of my deceased grandfather: him watching the 7 o’clock Afrikaans news on SABC2 and swearing at every person of colour appearing on the screen. I could never understand the relation between Christian values and racism of the Apartheids years. My piece: A jersey of my grandfather hardened with white butterflies swarming out. The hardness could be symbolic for the way of thought and his way of expressing it. The jersey could be symbolic for a cocoon where specifically white butterflies emerges – a depiction of me not wanting to be formed by the Afrikaner/Apartheid way of disgrace – the butterflies being a symbol of new life and the whiteness of peace.

 

Our family get-togethers show me the importance of family. My gran still spoils us with potbread and homemade spreads which I love.

My mother and her date's transport on for their matricdance was an "ossewa" which was traditional transport and a culture icon of the Afrikaners.

Afrikaner Heritage

I think  that my father’s emotional bond with his job as policeman changed him as person – made me unconsciously cautious to change and to a profession that could drain  or affect me emotionally and mentally. This even though I admire both my father and mother’s work they did for people and the community. My mother was a nurse before she switched to admin, working with medical aid, to have better hours to spend time with us and raise us.

A few of my extended family worked for the government and some still do. Two of my uncles are still in the police force and one uncle followed in my grandfather’s footsteps by working for Transnet.

My grandfather was a short man but was looked up to by all children. He and my grandfather raised my mother and her brothers and sisters in a household with strict rules and morals based on Christianity. But they were also raised in the Apartheids-years which sadly rubbed off on especially his sons. Unfortunately the first image of my grandfather that comes to my mind when I think of back to the school holidays that we spent at their home in Graafwater, were of him watching the 7 o’clock Afrikaans news and swearing at any person of colour appearing on the screen. I could never understand the relation between Christian values and racism. But also just thinking about it – it being a recurrent topic in my thoughts and everyday life experiences – I found it being one of the most sick mind sets one could possibly have. I believe white people were brainwashed to think they was better than people of colour. And I in fact feel a sense of pity for those infected by this way of thought.

Even though I loved my grandfather I hated that side of him. I never want to be like him. This probably sounds harsh and my mother would probably be pretty upset with me when she found out that I shared this with everyone (just because she loved him so much and want to remember him in dignity) but I have to be true to myself. This is a part of where I came from but is not where I want to go…

I would rather treasure the positive aspects in my culture and share them with my children one day.

My mother and her brothers and sisters did “volksdanse”. This was a Afrikaner tradition where the young people participating was called ‘niggies’ and ‘nefies’. Traditional dances were danced to songs like Siembamba and Japie my Skapie. This tradition took place where friends and families came together, like at picnics and other festivities. “Volkspele” was a movement that was established to spread the custom of the Afrikaners. Traditional outfits were worn by the youngsters which derived from the Voortrekker costume – “niggies” wore dresses with fitted waist, full skirts and volumous sleeves and was pared with headpieces called, “kappies”, drawstring small handbags and handkerchief neckpieces; the “nefies” wore waistcoats decoratively embroided with South African flowers.

I can vaguely remember being teached a few of these traditional dances in primary school. Her’s a few pictures of my mother in her teens enjoying the tradition:

  

 

 

I also inherited an artistic talent from my father as well as my mother. They are both very artistic but not either of them took it further which my dad admitted he regrets.

by my mother ...

my father... 

myself...

Playing dress-up!

 Like mother...

Like daughters...